Category Archives: Humour

The Grauniad — Christmas 2017


For those who are not aware of the pre-Internet age, this was the early days of computing, for the amateur enthusiast PCs were unaffordable but motherboard kits were available, which cost more than some modern Notebooks. It was so long ago the term geek wasn’t in common use. For excited techies the kit they’d assembled was programmed in machine code and loaded by cassette tape as floppy discs were expensive (a simple program could take 15 minutes to load). In fact all memory was expensive at that time.

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A letter to Dorothy Dix — Christmas 2017


Letter to Dorothy Dix

I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in Whangarei and my brother-in-law is living in Melbourne. My father and mother have been busted for drug running and they depend on my two sisters, who are prostitutes, for a living.

My only brother is serving a life sentence in jail on conviction of rape and murder, and my uncle is a High Court Judge who takes bribes. My other uncle is on trial for lighting fires in a National Park which burnt down 93 houses.

I am in love with a Thai prostitute who solicits around the Auckland wharves. She says she loves me, but she knows nothing about my family background. We intend to marry as soon as her illnesses clear up. Me being white does not bother her at all. When I get out of the Navy we will open a brothel in Hamilton and my two sisters will work there to keep the business in the family.

My problem is that I want to marry this girl and have an entirely open and honest relationship with her. The burning question is whether I should tell her that I have a brother-in-law who lives in Melbourne? Read more of this post

Vulpes alopex — Christmas 2017


Today on Facebook:

Some years ago Charles posted  ‘The Boxing Day Hunt – Perfect Entertainment after Christmas Bingeing’ it looked to be an interesting post on a one time favourite rural pastime. I have no idea if fox hunting per se is still a rural pastime, but I do remember ‘the hunt’ and the following story makes a good Christmas Day homage to A. P. Herbert and Norman Thelwell. Read more of this post

Forgetfulness!


This week on Facebook: I decided to return to the brain which, in the case of mine — despite my brain being (supposedly) like a computer — seems to behave much like that of Homer Simpson. Read more of this post

Vulpes alopex


Some four years ago Charles posted on the now defunct My Telegraph website ‘The Boxing Day Hunt – Perfect Entertainment after Christmas Bingeing’ it looked to be an interesting post on a one time favourite rural pastime. Charles wrote:

One of the tedious things about being poor is that one can’t indulge in pastimes like hunting. But one can turn up, as a supporter, and soak up the atmosphere (and maybe a bit of the Port). It really is enormous fun. If you haven’t done it, why not try it this year, on Boxing Day?

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Global Tenterhooks?


This Sunday of Facebook: Despite having said to my wife that the election of a new President is entirely up to the electorate in the USA, which it is — whatever the rest of the world thinks — nevertheless I couldn’t resist having my say. Not being aware that the date for the election of a new President in the USA is next Tuesday, I am posting a selection of my intended articles today. Read more of this post

Men in Black


Sir James Faulkner QC regarded juries with disdain, thinking the uneducated hoi-palloi who now sat on them as being incapable of grasping the finer points of common law and particularly those involving finance and economics. Nevertheless, he had just delivered what he considered to be a flawless case for the prosecution. His innate hubris convincing him that the lucid presentation and eloquence of his delivery must surely have convinced even the simplest mind on the jury of the defendant’s guilt. Sitting down he brushed the front of his gown, a preening habit he had developed since taking the silk, smiling self assuredly whilst nodding to The Honourable Mr Justice Pettigrew, confident that he had impressed the judge. In his own mind at least, the outcome of the trial in his favour was assured.

Aware that the jury shared his ennui after having endured such a marathon delivery Mr Justice Pettigrew looked at the pocket watch that he always placed on the bench before him, relieved that it indicated a suitable time for him to call an adjournment until the following morning.
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Java Lava


This morning may not have been déjà vu exactly, rather a replay of a bad experience with coffee machines. Having discovered that my consumption of strong black coffee is not good for me, I decided to confine myself to one or perhaps two cups a day and put away my cafetière. No not a café owner that’s a cafetier as in cafeteria and not to be confused with cafetière (to the French, the Islington set and me, L’accent grave et l’accent aigu are important). This reminds me of one of my favourite German anecdotes about a colleague who confused Taube, the German for pigeon, with Traube which is German for grape, and asked a neighbour if he had lost a grape as an injured one had just flown into his garden. Read more of this post

Luscinia Aves


In the metropolis there once lived a cruel gangster called Terry who despite being a son of ‘Arry — nicknamed the godfather — was dissed and yet feared by all the other gang leaders. Nevertheless, when the Met police set up task force Olympia to combat their activities, it was Terry that they all turned to for leadership. All that is except Paddy, leader of the Athenry gang.  Read more of this post

‘Shades Of’?


Some three years ago I wrote the post Machismo and the modern man, this was a commentary on the emasculation of the modern male and a masculine response. There was a strong connection with Australia (Oz), particularly the influence of Germaine Greer. Ms Greer is a chicken come home to roost so to speak, possibly the repatriated progeny born of colonists transported for their disruption to the harmonious order of society. Yet it’s to the men of Oz that we should express our gratitude. They have responded to this ’emasculation’ by creating a shed culture for the alpha male. Read more of this post

The Bulletin

This site was created for members and friends of My Telegraph blog site, but anyone is welcome to comment, and thereafter apply to become an author.

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The Real Economy

Hello, I’m Ed Conway, Economics Editor of Sky News, and this is my website. Blogposts, stuff about my books and a little bit of music

Public Law for Everyone

Professor Mark Elliott

Bleda

Am I my Brothers keeper?

An Anthology of Short Stories

Selected by other writers

davidgoodwin935

The Short Stories of David Goodwin (Capucin)

The Bulletin

This site was created for members and friends of My Telegraph blog site, but anyone is welcome to comment, and thereafter apply to become an author.

TCWG Short Stories

Join our monthly competition and share story ideas...

The Real Economy

Hello, I’m Ed Conway, Economics Editor of Sky News, and this is my website. Blogposts, stuff about my books and a little bit of music

Public Law for Everyone

Professor Mark Elliott

Bleda

Am I my Brothers keeper?

An Anthology of Short Stories

Selected by other writers

davidgoodwin935

The Short Stories of David Goodwin (Capucin)

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