2016 February — Comments/Reviews/Thoughts


My comments/reviews/thoughts on the February 2016 ‘Bowie song (title) theme’  —

  1. Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes. Written by Expatangie.  — I think that something more prosaic  than incongruous could have been said about the daffodils in the snow Angie to convey Jill’s romantic nature (or nothing said at all). This sentence halting me in my tracks at the very beginning of the story. Later Tom had already used the word tapestry and remarked, ‘We’ll find a nice family to carry on the torch here,’ which makes me wonder if the last paragraph is necessary at all and detracts from the intended impact of, ‘Jilly put her hand up to the For Sale sign and with a swift movement brushed the snow away to reveal the word — SOLD’.
  2. Diamond Dogs (1). Written by Fizzeerascal. — A great story Fizz but it reminded me of the current trend, especially on television, to curtail a neat ending to a story. That something dodgy was going on was clear and I would have liked to know what it was that led to the arrest. I’m assuming that the police gave her the money in exchange for the diamonds?
  3. Diamond Dogs (2). Written by Lostinwords. — I guess that this is a morality tale regarding dog breeding and an over-egged homage to Bowie. I remember detective Hector but found the humour in this story overshadowed by the serious treatment on the theme of dog breading.
  4. Hermione and Sweet Betsy: ‘Life on Mars’. Written by Chester_Goode. — I really like the fact that you ignore any technical explanation and  simply write zany flash-fiction. Perhaps a collection of Hermione and Sweet Betsy would work and how fortunate to choose the name Hermione.
  5. Letter to Hermione. Written by Americanmum. — I sometimes think of myself as a writer of rhyme as opposed to verse, I think the latter requires more skill. Perhaps for this reason I have difficulty reading verse AM as I am always searching for the rhyme in it, which often makes me lose the intended thread of the verse (I’m completely lost with blank verse). I sort of got the thread of your verse AM and where it rhymed but it did not come across as a take on the lyrics of A Letter to Hermione. Then I don’t think that it was the intent to? The storyline was great I’m just not good with this genre.
  6. Station to Station. Written by Capucin.[1] Having been a commuter David I suppose I was cynical about such events and never considered the circumstances that could lead to them. This is one of those stories that changes my perspective completely. Thanks for writing it.
  7. Diamond Dogs (3). Written by Gazoopi.[3] An interesting story Gaz, so much so that I had to search for a Walsh — Rhodes connection. I wondered if the name was simply a play on the Walsh name connections with Rhodes both historic and contemporary. I enjoyed reading the story and of course don’t like to think that it was so brutal at the time but I’m sure that it was. Mandingo? What kind of books do you read?
  8. Starman. Written by Charles Stuart. I really do struggle with your sf stories Charles. Again, I thought that this story dwelt too long on the technicalities. Was the second paragraph necessary inasmuch as he had to trick the shipboard computer and then there was  I cut my engines and did something else exceptionally difficult, though not as dangerous as my other manoeuvres; I did a warp drift, that is I didn’t slow to sub-light before cutting my engines. I returned to your solar system and used my gravitational aids as brakes. I found the storyline of the escape from the Empire, the possible pursuit and the new identity on earth, really interesting. I would have liked an expansion of Starman (the man who fell to earth), feeling that there was enough material here (without the technical detail) for a novella.
  9. Definitely not Rocket Science. Written by Rosiedee. There was simply too much in this story Rosie, I eventually became overwhelmed by the allusions and contrived scenarios, so much so that any humour became lost, even worse, trite. I’ll have to do some reruns of Red Dwarf  before I can truly ‘get into this one’.
  10. Oh You pretty things. Written by Claire. I didn’t understand this at all Claire. If was intended as a piece of ‘flash fiction’, it didn’t work for me at that level either. Nor, other than the title, could I connect it with Bowie (other than in an abstract way with the song’s lyrics). An explanatory note would have been useful to explain your intent, particularly the need to provide a translation from the French. Especially if the piece had some significance in France. Was there any significance in the name Mr Centipede and being buried with onions?
  11. The Girl with the Mousy Hair.  Written by Seadams.[5] I genuinely thought thought this story a gem Seadams, so much portrayed in so few words. Nothing more to say — other than brilliant.

One response to “2016 February — Comments/Reviews/Thoughts

  1. S E Adams March 11, 2016 at 18:18

    Good evening, Peter. I always enjoy reading your reviews because you are honest in your responses and focused in your suggestions. It follows, therefore, that I am absolutely puffed up with joy to have your feedback about The Girl with the Mousy Hair. To be honest, I thought I was going to write a quite different story, but once I got going (with the clock ticking) this was the tale that transpired. I am so glad you liked it.

    Like

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The Bulletin

This site was created for members and friends of My Telegraph blog site, but anyone is welcome to comment, and thereafter apply to become an author.

TCWG Short Stories

Join our monthly competition and share story ideas...

The Real Economy

Hello, I’m Ed Conway, Economics Editor of Sky News, and this is my website. Blogposts, stuff about my books and a little bit of music

Public Law for Everyone

Professor Mark Elliott

Bleda

Am I my Brothers keeper?

An Anthology of Short Stories

Selected by other writers

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