Aug 22, 2015Posted by on
In the metropolis there once lived a cruel gangster called Terry who despite being a son of ‘Arry — nicknamed the godfather — was dissed and yet feared by all the other gang leaders. Nevertheless, when the Met police set up task force Olympia to combat their activities, it was Terry that they all turned to for leadership. All that is except Paddy, leader of the Athenry gang. Victorious as gangland’s new leader, Terry taunted Paddy but a wily Paddy allied himself to Terry by allowing his son Rodney to go and live with him. This alliance upset the Met task force on Olympia who had hoped to turn Paddy into a supergrass. Their displeasure with Paddy and now the hubris of both gang-leaders in arranging such a partnership invoking the wrath of the Olympians. When the partnership was cemented with a civil marriage the Met never sent a card instead the fuzz attended, arriving conspicuously with ‘blues and twos’ ablaze and raucous.
Terry, being a member of the NCDL, was overjoyed when Rodney gave him a terrier called Titus. When a snitch told Terry that a gang member had reported him for owning a banned pit-bull, the grass mysteriously disappeared. Rodney showed no gratitude for bungs it cost Terry to keep Titus, now irritated he used Rodney’s wish for his young sister Phyllis to visit them as a pretext to go and seek Paddy’s permission. At Paddy’s pad he encountered Phyllis, a seeming ingénue who so bewitched him that he determined to posses her. His entreaties, in the guise of Rodney’s need to see his sister, won over both Phyllis and her father who permitted the visit. Once back on his own patch, Terry ravished Phyllis and when she threatened to tell Rodney he held her incommunicado, telling Rodney that Phyllis had been taken — probably by an Olympian snatch squad. Suspecting nothing of his sister’s captivity and Terry’s sexual proclivities, the news caused Rodney untold distress.
In captivity Phyllis seduced a guard and when he fell asleep used his mobile to text Rodney with a message that only he could decipher. On reading Phyllis’s text Rodney rescued his sister and together they sought retribution by killing Terry’s beloved dog Titus, whom they dismembered and cooked. An unwitting Terry ate his own dog. When Rodney and Phyllis confronted Terry and told him of their deed, Phyllis really annoyed Terry by throwing Titus’s head at him. The siblings then fled with Terry in pursuit and just as he was about to catch them the Olympians appeared with ‘blues and twos’ ablaze and raucous. Terry was given bird in Brixton and Rodney was banged up in Cookham Wood. The suspicions of DI Twitcher were confirmed when Phyllis was revealed to be a Met supergrass. Despite her singing like a canary he thought Phyllis had the voice of a nightingale and had become enamoured of her. Phyllis was put into the witness protection programme as Luscinia Aves, where DI Twitcher watched her like a hawk.
Notes on Luscinia Aves. This is a parody on the story Lucinia, the challenge in both cases being to contain the story within 500 words. It’s conjecture as to whether or not ‘Luscinia Aves’ would have appeared in the above form if Luscinia had not been written first. The more I think about it, the more interesting the myth of Tereus, Procne and Philomela becomes as the source of a much longer story.