February 20, 2015Posted by on
Some three years ago I wrote the post Machismo and the modern man, this was a commentary on the emasculation of the modern male and a masculine response. There was a strong connection with Australia (Oz), particularly the influence of Germaine Greer. Ms Greer is a chicken come home to roost so to speak, possibly the repatriated progeny born of colonists transported for their disruption to the harmonious order of society. Yet it’s to the men of Oz that we should express our gratitude. They have responded to this ’emasculation’ by creating a shed culture for the alpha male.
So it came as a pleasant surprise to be given a copy of 50 Sheds of Grey this Christmas. Having read it, I find it hard to see what all the fuss has been about. Books in what has become a de-facto ‘shades of’ genre are generally pornographic, a category that can hardly be ascribed to ’50 Sheds’. Risqué maybe, erotic by innuendo and double entendre perhaps, yet hardly pornographic.
Not having read it, I can’t say if the book 50 Shades Of Grey that initiated this genre is pornographic, but as Sophie Morgan writes in her Guardian review: ‘I like submissive sex but Fifty Shades is not about fun: it’s about abuse’. I have to assume that, given her proclivity, SM is qualified to judge what is – or isn’t – S&M. Thank goodness she never mentioned butter, I’ve only just started eating it again!
I’m hardly qualified to comment on what may pass as pornographic literature and film, but I do know something about sheds and gardening.
I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
Look! I’m not so naive that I don’t know what S&M is.
For those of use who are shed and garden aficionados, S&M has a particular relevance. Sort of like the terms Pullman or double heading have to the model a train enthusiast or those who dog trains and rolling stock.
From that first encounter I was hooked – I just couldn’t get enough of sheds and mowers. Or S&M for short.
That is not to say that shed and garden aficionados don’t have a proclivity for the occasional fetish.
I do have one fetish I admitted, ‘MILFs – Mowers I’d like to Fix’.
Well! Perhaps more than one!
‘No’, she sighed, gazing sadly at the large stuffed crust Hawaiian with extra cheese.
I said ‘I’m really turned on by orders from dominants’.
We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall …. but in the end we came to the conclusion that the bottom of the garden was the only place for a really good shed.
Real men subscribe to the adage that, ‘A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do’. A misinterpretation from the film ‘Stagecoach’ in which the Ringo Kid (John Wayne), actually said “There are some things a man just can’t run away from”. Nevertheless, for the alpha male, there are times when ’A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.’
‘Punish me,’ she cried desperately, “Make me suffer like only a real man can!’
‘Very well,’ I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.